when will it make sense
lately i have been thinking about life a lot. you see, whatever happens in our lives, doesn't need to make sense. it will make sense eventually tho, but doesn't mean it will now. i have no accolades, no great achievements, nothing. i used to hear people complaining about imposter syndrome and i used to think meh these people ain't working hard enough, but now when i am facing all of it, when i see people around me doing great shit and i am stuck in this hole of still figuring out what i wanna do with my life, it sucks. make me wanna cry each and every time. i haven't travelled much, had a very mid college life, not complaining, was and will always be grateful, but yk at the end of the day we are humans. no matter how many times we come across the quote "comparison is the thief of joy" we still end up comparing ourselves to others. i always imagined myself doing hard things, solving problems and loving the process in genreal. then something happened. something that flipped that switch inside of me, it made me lazy and most importantly it made me scared of trying. the aug 26 2026 version of me should quit his current job and went back home, start focusing on his health, learn and build new skills, and then with a healthy mind and body start approaching things life was throwing at me. but thats not the case. i think i have spent the last 2-3 years of my life working on something that i pretended to enjoy. maybe this was not for me. maybe there was some other thing i was inherently good at but because of the fear of others judging me or most importantly becuase of the fear of my parents thinking me of as some failure i didnt try. but idk, life is too short ig to try out all of things that you think are interesting. ig we need to make some comporomises down the road and live on with whatever is there for us.
anyways